Only Hate the Road When You're Missing Home

I have this theory, that as long as your level of homesickness does not overtake your experience for too long, you are okay with being here. This goes wrong when tragedy, trauma, or other miscellaneous "negative" events keep happening for an extended period of time. Sometimes it's just normal wear and tear that can keep us homesick for a long period of time. I think that is when people chose to go home or not to stay.

When I talk to my students about resiliency, I use the analogy of throwing a rock in the ocean; it can be a big rock that makes one big wave or it can be several small rocks that continue to make the waves larger. Resiliency is our ability to ride the waves and settle back to normal. Peace Corps, in and of itself, is a trying experience for the best of us. It will bring up everything you've ever hidden away in your mind and test you more than anything other experience in your life. Service in the Peace Corps is not always white, sandy beaches and picturesque resorts... some days, it is extraordinarily difficult to get through one day. And this is 100% normal.

Cycle of Vulnerability- Peace Corps

Shown above is the diagram about the cycle of vulnerability and statistically, the volunteers in my group should be at our lowest point in service. Typically, the hardest things to deal with are the issues that come from home. Current volunteers are unique because we live several lives. We have our "USA Life" (our past), "Peace Corps Volunteers Life" (how we interact with other volunteers), and "Village Life" (who we are at our sites). Think of these are three separate venn diagram circles that make us who we are. Life continues on in each circle separately, but with the ease in ability to stay in touch across long distances, we have to somehow manage all three concurrently.

But, you "only hate the road when you're missing home." Yes, I am missing things at home and I am constantly homesick; but, you learn to cope. You learn to value your other volunteers and keep your American traditions alive. I love the fact that some of the closest volunteers to me are from Missouri (see the picture below of Katie, a close PCV who has also lived in the show me state). They get it when I talk about Ted Drews and Imos. Every time I hear a song that I heard back home, it triggers a memory and the same is true with meals. I keep in contact with my friends and family via Whatsapp, Facebook and Skype.

Katie and I enjoying some icecream. 

It is hard to watch people change. It is hard to watch people get married and have kids. It is hard to watch people change jobs. It is hard to miss out on holidays. However, I have a feeling they would say the same about me. You have to have faith that the experience, which fate has brought you to will be worth it and will outweigh the homesickness. Those who mean the most to you, will find a way to keep in contact (even if they hate technology). At the end of the day, it is only two years. Most children don't remember things prior to around age 3 or 4 anyways. Nothing I have missed, is worth missing this experience. Have faith. Trust. Stay true to yourself. You will only regret the chances you haven't taken. Most of the time, it's worth it. Sometimes, I look back on the hardest days and realize that now those days are reasons to stay. It is worth it. Life goes on. You'll catch up when you get home. You'll realize that all those little details you missed aren't nearly as important as the person themself. And that what truly matters.

It is the people- not the experiences you are missing that are truly important. 

(The title name is from "Let Her Go" by Passenger)

I Know You (DON'T) Want It: Using Music to Teach Women's Empowerment

When most of us listen to the strong beats associated with pop music, we want to get up and move! Most of the time, we don't take the time to actually listen to the lyrics of the songs to which we are dancing. The song, Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke and Pharrell, has been titled a "rape culture" or "victim blaming" song. And it is incredibly popular in Fiji.

I try to include women's empowerment in every class or meeting that I hold because Peace Corps Fiji is part of Let Girls Learn. Let Girls Learn is an initiative by the US government to try to bridge the gender gap in global adolescent education; for more information on Let Girls Learn visit, http://letgirlslearn.gov. This means that as Peace Corps Volunteers, we intentionally try to make sure we are including the girls in our curriculum and scheme of work. Here are a few examples of how I include this in my work:

• Intentionally choose girls to answer questions
• Make sure girls have the opportunity for leadership in class and at school
• Speak up at school to ensure that girls are included on all opportunities
• Educate staff through story-telling at lunch, or Talanoa
• Covering topics with both boys and girls about gender-based violence
• Attempting to make connections with the female youth in order to empower them in the village
• Use the PE/Music/Arts courses to teach culturally-appropriate women's leadership
• Use music to highlight gender differences in class through discussion

Often, this is as simple as adding an extra set of questions at the end of class. What did you learn? How can you apply this at home? How is how you apply it different from the opposite sex? Why does this song speak differently about girls versus guys? 

I've been working on teaching awareness about sexual assault, boundaries, trauma, resiliency, and reproductive health. Because I am a music therapist, I typically choose to do this through music; although, sometimes I use art and sometimes I do not use any creative arts techniques if I don't want to ingrain a scary topic into their head, like the definition of rape. I typically do not have access to where my students stand, so I have to teach to the middle and assume someone has been assaulted. I have to assume I will trigger someone. The statistic., according to the Fiji Women's Crisis Centre, is that 64% of women, who have been in an intimate relationship will have been assaulted in some way. 

This topic is prevalent and it is powerful, but it is also, "taboo" or "tabu," in the Fijian language. Talking about sex is so scary and out of the norm, that it is almost anti-cultural. By using music, I am able to highlight the prevalence in the media and use a medium that is deeply rooted in the Fijian culture; it's also a safe zone. Using music from the USA typically allows me a little more room to talk about "tabu" topics because it's not quite as "tabu" in the USA. Typically, my students are fairly concrete learners and will take the songs used in class as literal meanings or they do not think about it much, if at all. This leads us into my "Blurred Lines" intervention; credit given to my former internship director, Tania Cordobés, MMT, MT-BC from the Children's Advocacy Center of Collin County for the inspiration for this intervention. 

I will get my "music box" ready and pass out the lyrics to the students or write them on the chalk board. I ask the students to underline one line from the song that stands out from them. We listen to the song and generally, my students will start either tapping in rhythm on their desk or singing along because Fiji is such a musical culture. They will then ask me to play it "Again, Madam" or for the "reggae" version. This is a song they hear on the bus, in the community halls, during grog sessions and everywhere. 

I ask them to tell me their lines for the songs and then I write the definition for rape culture and victim blaming on the board. I ask what they think these two definitions mean in regards to this song. I will say that this song made international news and ask them to guess why, but all the while, we point out that it has a fun, catchy beat. At this point, they start to grasp the concept and we discuss consent. Typically, I use something similiar to the "tea video" (find it here https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fGoWLWS4-kU) because they drink tea all the time here. 

And they get it. Some students even get disgusted at the song. 

We discuss why boundaries are important and what would they do if someone said this to them?

You're a good girl. I know you want it. Come on, just give it to me. Everyone else does. Be a good girl and do what you're being told to do.  

Typically, then the girls will say, "tell them no." 

Okay, but this guy... He isn't taking no for an answer. He keeps pestering you and he won't leave you alone. What do you do now?

Then they start to talk about real solutions. What can you really do? With the guys, I usually have to change the scenario a bit to if a guy was flirting with them to drive the point home. Then, I will state that how you feel, that is how girls feel when you say things that they don't want to hear. And we discuss. 

I'm not sure why this intervention works as well as it does. Probably because music is the language of adolescents. Probably because there are people who really deal with this all the time here. Maybe it's because this is a topic I'm passionate about. For whatever reason, it works. And I am so thankful to be trained to use music therapeutically. 

I hope this gives you some insight into the Fijian culture, Let Girls Learn initiative, and our Youth Empowerment project here in Fiji. Comment below with what kinds of things you do to include girls or women's empowerment into your work! 

Sunset Walk on the Coral Coast

At least once a week, I try to take a walk along the beach right before sunset. It models exercise and good self-care, plus the view is incredible. Please enjoy a virtual walk through my pictures below!

Last view of the daylight near the village by mine

 View of the coral coast during low tide

Another shot of low tide

The really cool rock sculptures that show during low tide

Trail from the horses

It's amazing how much the scenery changes every day

My Favorite Dish

Fijian Dhal Soup

Here is a recipe for one of my favorite Fijian foods and a staple in my house, Dhal Soup. Dhal is a spicy, curried lentil soup and it is just phenomenal. The measurements and steps are approximate, so feel free to improvise! I enjoy mine ferociously spicy, but you can skip the chilis. Dhal soup is relatively cheap to make, thickens without any additives, and is fairly nutritious. Please comment below if you try it at home and let me know how it turned out. Kakana Vinaka!

Ingredients: 

• 2 tbsp Turmeric Powder
• 2 cup Yellow Split Peas, Red and/or Yellow Lentils (I typically use yellow split peas)
• 8-10 cup Water
• 2-4 tbsp Oil or Butter
• Brown Mustard Seeds  (a pinch or two)
• 1-2 Chopped Onion              
• 2-3 Cloves of Garlic
• Extra Veggies

Recipe:

1. Pour lentils or split peas into a pot with water. 
2. Add Turmeric Powder.
3. Bring to a boil, uncovered, until it thickens to an almost porridge-like texture. I keep mine about the consistency of potato soup. Once it starts to thicken, you'll need to stir fairly frequently so it doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan. This takes about an hour to an hour and a half. Start with 8 cups and increase to 10 as needed.
4. In a separate pan, add either the oil or butter to warm up. 
5. Add brown mustard seeds and onion to grill. Add garlic at the end in order to prevent it from burning. 
6. Add extra veggies to stir fry. You can use eggplant, pumpkin, spinach, tomatoes, potatoes, okra, and/or chilis for spice. 
7. Add the grilled mixture to the soup and then let it boil for another 5 minutes. 
8. Enjoy with roti (indian tortilla), rice, extra chilis, or bread as you desire!

30 Second Elevator Pitch

When you work, or are preparing to work as a student, in a "newer" profession such as music therapy, (therapeutic use of music is actually mentioned in the bible, but that's a post for another day) your professors often remind you that you need to have a "30 second elevator pitch." Basically, describe your field using succinct language and realistic metaphors, within 30 seconds; when you can do that, then they advise you to begin tailoring your speeches to your audience.

My USA 30 second elevator pitch:

Music therapy is the therapeutic use of music by a credentialed professional. Music therapists require at least a four year degree, internship and passing a board certification exam. Basically, they use music to accomplish non-music goals. Sometimes those goals are like a traditional counselor, sometimes they are like an occupaational therapists, and many more. Music therapsts use music as therapy, instead of simply sitting and talking to a counselor for an hour.

The importance of this is because music therapy isn't licensed, music therapists, often have to fight for jobs and prove our effectiveness. You never know who you are going to meet and you never know who will be a door to your success or future career. Sometimes, I only talk about psychiatric goals and sometimes I talk about hospice goals... more than once I have had the chance to advocate for other professionals who are working in other populations.

Now, what does this have to do with Peace Corps? Throw about half the previously stated rules out the window because you are communicating in another language (that often you have not quite gotten the handle of) and reading an entirely new nonverbal language. You have to adapt, or as musicians say, improvise. Improvisation is really at the heart of what the entire Peace Corps experience is about.

Now, I'm not only talking about what I used to do in America, (although, that does get asked quite frequently), but I'm advocating about America, dispelling myths from movies, culture, and diversity. Very similiarly, I often have the chance to advocate for my other volunteers here after people ask questions like, "where are the volunteerrs" and "how many of you are there?" Volunteers in Fiji are often perceived as white tourists and as a PCV, I want to show that America is very diverse!

Let's focus back on diversity for a second... a word that can be kind of scary for your average white person from America. It's met with internal resistance and ignorance. Although, I don't think that's necessarily our fault. For example, I grew up in Missouri, which is 83.5% white (www.census.gov). You don't often know that you are surrounded by white privilidge until you are in a country, or new area, that's different. In Fiji, the population of caucasions is around 1%. Let me tell you... in this exaggerated form of privilidge, it is, at times, nauseatingly uncomfortable. Simply, because of the color of my skin.

There's nothing wrong with this concept and in fact it's part of the culture of Fiji that makes people love to visit because the people of Fiji are some of the most hospitable people that I've ever met. I'm simply making a point. White priviledge exists. And then I realized, how could I not have lived in white privilege, when I grew up in an area that was almost all white. There was nobody to even show me that it was a privilege because it was all the same. I can't change where I grew up, but I can change how I interact with others.

In Fiji, white privilidge means people don't sit by me on the bus and will sit on the step instead. It means that I'm assumed to have money and be a tourist. It means that my knowledge is taken as fact no matter what. I want to use this to advocate for the diverseness of the Peace Corps Volunteers. We represent all of America, not just white america. No matter what your skin color, if you come from America and are serving in the Peace Corps, you are American. Sometimes people here don't understand that someone who looks Asian can be, not from Asia.

For me, I use my 30 second elevator pitch to include diversity and why the N word is a bad thing. It means when people ask, "but you look asian/black/mexican" and are confused as to how they are Americans, then I can use that moment to talk about the diversity in how people come to be "American." It's that moment when you validate your fellow volunteer and try to yourself grow. After all, without difference, life would be pretty bland! Let's spice things up a bit.

-Much love, Kelli

Musings of the Father of a Peace Corps Volunteer- Ken Maddock

My Father, Ken Maddock, and me, his daughter in Dallas, TX

At one point my daughter Kelli, currently serving as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Fiji, thought it would be interesting if I were to comment on my experiences as a PCV parent. To be honest, until recently I have put it off. Why? Primarily because it has been such a painless experience I thought it would be boring. Kelli was already living far enough away in the states that I didn't see her much anyway, so it hasn't seemed like a huge change. We communicate more often now than when she was in the states! Yes, it is quite different knowing that I can't go to see her by jumping in the car and going for a nice long ride. Her challenges are also quite different than they were back home. Adapting to a new culture is challenging for anyone, but Kelli is well equipped to handle it, with her curiosity, her willingness to accept others as they are, and her outgoing personality. Moving to Fiji of course has its challenges, such as living with lots of bugs and rodents, no hot water for showers, and a lack of access to many of the luxuries she has been used to. On the other hand, she does have access to the internet, although it is spotty at times, and she has running water and electricity. She has been accepted into the community, and seems to be having a great time. Stripping her life of many of the possessions she had, as well as many (but certainly not all) of the financial challenges is probably good for her and allows her to focus on what is important.

So as I thought of all of the above, writing a comment on her blog about how I feel seemed like it wouldn't be that interesting, even to me. However, Cyclone Winston changed all of that. The feelings I had during the experience helped me to understand how different my experience is from that of parents whose children live or attend school in another state. The feeling of helplessness is impossible to describe. Watching the track of the cyclone led to feelings of relief and then of panic, and back again, all within the space of hours. It really hit home that despite the fact that I could chat with her, as well as do video and audio chats that make it seem as if she is right next door, she is halfway around the world. She is in a part of the world that isn't as developed as we are; is ill-prepared to deal with an emergency of this type. It really brought home to me how different her life is now, and how much courage it takes to volunteer for a role like this. That any day she could face a challenge unlike any that someone living in the states would face, and have to deal with that challenge with little or no assistance. It also made me realize how special she is, as well as all of her peers working in underdeveloped areas of the world. Our armed forces put themselves in harms way every day, and I have always admired those who are willing to support their country in this manner. However, I now realize that Peace Corps Volunteers also put themselves in harms way, with little protection and an expectation to immerse themselves into the culture of their new community, leaving their world behind. To me that is just as admirable.

Fortunately the Peace Corps took good care of Kelli and her peers during Cyclone Winston. They are all safe, and Kelli's village and her home avoided the extreme damage that hit some areas of Fiji. My heart goes out to those who lost their lives to this terrible natural disaster. But my heart also goes out every day to Kelli and the other PCV's who donate a considerable portion of their lives to try to help those in developing countries. It hits me every day now how far away she really is and the challenges she faces. I am so proud of her it is impossible to describe. And yes, I worry. I worry a little bit every day. But I know Kelli is strong and will deal with any challenge life throws at her. I know that this experience will help Kelli to grow and become an even stronger and better person than she is today. I know that she will spend her life helping others in one way or another. If she chooses to do that in some location very far from me, I'll miss her badly. But I'll be happy knowing she is making a real, positive difference in people's lives.

-Ken Maddock, Father of PCV

#StrongerThanWinston

There are several blog posts by volunteers about Cyclone Winston and I will retweet or share them online as I see them because my perspective is not the only one. This post does not reflect the combined experience of Peace Corps Fiji or the nation of Fiji, this is only my, humble experience.

As many of you know, I'm a midwesterner at heart. Tornados, thunderstorms, heat lightening, and blizzards (all in the same week a lot of the time) are just a way of life, but this is the first cyclone I've ever experienced. Cyclone is the word for hurricanes in the southern, Pacific Ocean. We had already been evacuated to Suva, which is the capital of Fiji, once for a Cat. 2 cyclone New Years Day. I remember sleeping in my Bure thinking my roof was about to come off. Traditionally, a Fijian Bure, is designed to let the air pass right through and over it, which means that most Bure's typically will withstand cyclones. The cyclone from New Years changed it's path and I got a sunny few days off in the capital. I live about 2 hours from the capital by bus.

Two weeks before the cyclone, it was the hottest weather Fiji has ever experienced, courtesy of El Nino, and I saw Kadavu; Kadavu is an island off the southern tip of Fiji. According to the village, if you see Kadavu from my site, then there's bad weather coming. The week before Cyclone Winston hit it passed Fiji once and we had wind warnings. We were put on "warning" mode of our Emergency Action Plan; every Peace Corps country has an Emergency Action Plan, or EAP, and it has several levels. We thought it was gone with some rain and wind... We had training planned the following week for my group, Group 92 and I was told that we may just go a few days early. We had no idea what was about to happen...

On Friday, I was told to evacuate early to our hotel in Nadi for training. At this point, Winston  had turned around and was supposed to pass south of Kadavu. At 10PM Friday night, I recieved a text that said "get on the first bus you can." It changed to being predicted to hit the capital of Suva; then later, Winston was supposed to pass directly through the main Island of Viti Levu. My site is pretty far south on the main island of Viti Levu, and is, just barely, considered western. I remember trying to sleep, but I couldn't because I was afraid my roof was going to come off. On facebook, at 5AM, I saw that Peace Corps evacuated Koro Island Volunteers at the last minute on a private jet, because the path of the storm had changed once again.

Peace Corps Volunteers were on Standfast, which means you don't move from your site, once we were consolidated. We were in Labasa, Nadi, Suva, and Taveuni... The Taveuni volunteers have a crazy story all on their own, which is not mine to tell. Peace Corps was doing the aboslute best they could to keep us safe with the ever changing path of the storm. This was the strongest, ever, cyclone in the entire southern hemistphere. The final path of the eye of the storm that we saw before the storm hit, showed the storm hitting land just off of the province of Tailevu. This is where we all stayed with host families during training; to say we were nervous was an understatement. We weren't nervous for us, but for the people of Fiji that we have fallen in love with.

The people of Fiji have this spirit, vibrancy and resiliency. For example, the people of my village built a "lovo" or earth oven the morning I was leaving and seemed unconcerned. They believe that whatever will happen, is God's will and they will be okay no matter what. To my eyes, it looks like unpreparedness, but to their eyes it's full faith in God. Up until the last minute the Minister and government were begging the people of Fiji to make preparations before it was too late. The Police had to shut several markets down and clear the roads. I arrived in the hotel, got my snacks and started to wait...

The winds began to pick up and we started to get nervous. As it got worse, we were asked to go into one room, so Peace Corps staff could keep their eye on us. As the winds picked up, I texted my family and friends to not worry because they expected us to lose power and cell phone service.... And then it went black.

Thankfully, for us, we had a backup generator. We played card games, danced and talked to pass the time. We were so thankful the eye of the storm went north of us and we didn't bear the full brunt of the storm. We lost contact with the other volunteers and were really worried about the people in Labasa and Taveuni. They told us be prepared to spend the night in this room listening to the winds.

All in all, we were very protected. Peace Corps Fiji did the absolute best they could with the eradic weather changes and unpredictability of the storm. While we were waiting we talked about how nervous we were for our villages, how weird it felt to be in a hotel with air conditioning and hot water, when our villages had nothing, and how surprised we were that we would all rather be with our villages. For group 92, we had barely been here 5 months, and that was a suprise to see how much we felt connected already. The air was thick with solemnity and anxiety, but we passed the time. It was hard to be in the dark not knowing for hours. I had the good fortune of knowing my village was not in the path of the eye of the storm., but that didn't make it easier.

Drinking grog to pass the time during training

We finally got approval to go to bed once the storm died down. We weren't allowed to venture out and walk around yet, so we only had the word of a few people who had the other phone company because they were able to check facebook. We got on with training and were slowly joined by the other volunteers. We were so relieved to be together and have everybody be safe. Many of the volunteers couldn't get in contact with their villages; for some it took 2-3 weeks to be able to see their sites. About 25% of volunteers were displaced short-term or long-term due to damage to their houses.

Peace Corps is not disaster relief and I think some of us struggled with that. They have our safety as a priority, but it's hard as a volunteer to sit and do nothing. Slowly they released us to sites and I was one of the first to go back. There's a lot of guilt from being okay, when so many people are suffering. There's some tension because there are people who compare situtions. Everyone's feelings were valid and are still valid. Nobody can judge anybody else's site, but I am fully aware that my site was very blessed; that doesn't make it any easier to process the depth and severity of the situation.

While Winston was a mere 24 hour newsbite in America, it is still effecting half the Fijians here. I urge you to donate to the Fijian Government, Red Cross New Zealand or Red Cross Australia. The people of Fiji are so strong. I won't forget hearing the children laugh and playing on the area where a house used to stand in my village when I walked back into my village. Everyone is so strong and even in the face of trials, they will still give you the shirt off their back. They will share in their food, their grog, tell stories, and laugh. These people live off the land and the infrastructure was not prepared to handle a disaster of this level. There is a large deficit for funding for repairs. Entire villages were destroyed and 42 people lost their lives. But the laugh of those kids, that is the spirit of Fiji and that is why I urge you to donate. The spirt of Fiji is contagious.

The children of Navola Village playing post-winston 

http://www.fiji.gov.fj/getattachment/ebb52bfc-8e2e-4742-8f28-d4cccd009d76/FACTSHEET-ON-ASSISTANCE-FOR-VICTIMS-OF-TC-WINSTON.aspx

http://www.redcross.org.au/cyclonewinstonappeal.aspx

Please do not copy any part of this post into a journal, blog or newstory without my consent. Feel free to share online, but I prefer to get a heads up. Thank you!