It's hard to believe that it's my third anniversary of being in Fiji. I've learned so much, struggled so much and endured times of seemingly endless happiness. Fiji is not all resorts and pretty water bottles. It's hard. There's a lot of hardships we endure as women in Fiji, but these are things Fijian women endure their entire lives. I've had my highest of highs and lowest of lows here. It is excruciatingly difficult to learn how to completely support yourself in hard times away from your support system. It is a humbling experience and one I have learned immensely from.
I've never before been singled out because of my skin color. I've never before not blended in. I've never had to try to fit into a culture that is like trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It doesn't always fit, it doesn't zip up...but you can force it if you need too. There are things I will never understand. I've learned not to lose myself in the process. I've learned more empathy for my friends of color than I could have ever imagined.
We become a patchwork version of ourselves over time. A little bit of before, a little bit of now, a little American, and a little Fijian. A little bit of everything and still unfinished. If you look hard enough, you can see the beginning. Some of the edges are a little raw...Some have been ripped apart...and some are sewn with golden threads. Some feel as though they've been renewed by fire.... and others by love. But the end product is stunningly beautiful. I wouldn't change if for the world.
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