"This is my Fight Song": Life as a PCVL

Thanks for your patience with my lack of updates on the blog! I firmly believe that no excuse is the best excuse, so in the spirit of candor... This just fell out of priority for a little while.

My community:

A lot has happened over the past year. I decided to stay in Fiji. Staying as a third year Volunteer in a new site placement is a lot like your first year in a lot of ways. I moved to a new community and have had the beautiful experience of getting to know the staff in the office as my community. I've realized that I don't know much about anything and that Volunteers often do not give the Peace Corps staff the credit they deserve. Obviously, it helps dating a local that is nearby. You are immediately drawn into that community as well. But, I lost my biggest support system here by way of my group. All except three Volunteers have gone home. Those who are here, are an incredible asset, but it was hard to go through that change again. I often think that the hardest part of Peace Corps is losing your support system and building a new one. I know now that I can do it, because I have already done it before. There's beauty in that.

My new community... The Peace Corps Staff!

My work:

Being a Peace Corps Volunteer Leader feels like one of the biggest ways to fast-track your career development skills. I have learned so much about sustainability and international development. I've been blessed to work with our grants coordinator and learn as much as possible from her. She is a queen! Being here this past year has left me with some powerful questions and thoughts over whether Fiji actually needs US citizens to empower it's citizens... Because the people that work in this office, could very easily run this program without us. It's caused a bit of an existential crisis for me... fundamentally wondering if you are truly needed.

I've worked with two different Directors of Programming and Training. I have learned so much from both. It has been great confirmation that it might be something that I look into in the future. It's been interesting to watch the staff transition in and out of jobs. The staff go through very similar cycles to Volunteers. I've learned a lot about resiliency, faking it until you make it, humility, and intrinsic motivation.

My incredible co-workers!

As PCVL, I work directly with programming staff, training staff and grants. I've done a lot of resource development, but often there's this concern in the back of your head that Volunteers are not actually going to utilize this resource that you've spent hours creating. Volunteers will often as for something, but then once it's released, it does not get used. At least that is how it appears to go...Being PCVL can be a very rewarding job, but there is also the struggle of doing a lot of work without the confirmation that you are on the right track. Are PCV's even using what I'm spending hours working on? Or is there a new thought of something we "should" be doing to help before we get confirmation that they approved of the last thing we did?

Asking the staff what they do when confronted with disgruntled Volunteers has helped me to realize that as long as I'm doing my job to the best of my abilities, I am already on the right path. And the Volunteers do always eventually confirm this, even when they may be annoyed at me for "telling it like it is" at the time, ha. You can't make everyone happy... I'm just going to keep being me and trying to be the best version of myself.

50th Anniversary:

We had our big 50th anniversary this year. I helped a lot with the planning of that and am thankful to have the experience. Just because I didn't enjoy every aspect of the experience, does not mean the experience was not valuable. You have to find the joy in your work and there is joy in reconnecting RCPVs with their host country... even if you realize most of the RPCVs are white and PC has had very little diversity until recently. Life is bittersweet. It was a fun event and I learned a ton about large events management, even if I was incredibly busy.

50th Anniversary Museum Event

Launching the 50th Anniversary Stamp Collection

Difficulties:

Living in the capital can be difficult. Budgeting is a lot harder when you have more options; although, I find living and cooking like you are in a village definitely helps. Safety is a lot harder because you don't have a network of people constantly watching over you. People don't know you, which can be annoying when it seems like 10 taxis have honked at you and everyone is saying Bula because they think you have money to spend... not because they like you or even know you.

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Overall, this year has had its trials. Staying for a third year has been difficult, but at this point you get used to the difficulties and the difficulties really do make the good times worth it. Sometimes I wonder if the life cycle of a Volunteer is just a normal life cycle. Does this happen in every job? Do you always lose your rose-colored glasses of the work? Can you continue to find joy in a job when you are struggling? I think the answer is yes. I've learned a lot of that from the local staff who have worked at Peace Corps for 15+ years. I love to ask them... why did you stay when it was hard and when you didn't get along with your supervisors? Their response is always that it's worth it.

As I look back on my posts from the first few years, some of it is cringe-inducing...But, the I sit and remember that's progress. That is personal development. It's becoming the best version of myself. Sometimes, I feel like Peace Corps is the crash course in becoming the best version of yourself, both professionally and personally. I've learned a lot of life lessons in a very short amount of time.

You get used to the fact that you can't actually change the world, you can just live your life to the best of your abilities and empower those around you to do the same. You live life as humbly as possible and try to pick up as many life lessons as you can along the way.