I'll Be Home for Christmas 2016

I had the amazing opportunity to visit my home for an entire month over the holidays. I was able to see my friends, former professors, sister, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and parents. It's funny how time just keeps going and relationships pick up right where you left off.

I've practically been planning this trip since before I left for Fiji originally and there was a lot of expectations built into it. The weeks leading up to the trip were some of the busiest I've had in a long time. I had the end of the school year functions, mid-service training conference for my group's one year mark in Fiji, and Camp G-Glow on the Yasawa Islands. It was a rush and I really didn't even have time to think about going home until I was on my way back from the Yasawas on a fiber boat.

After being in country for over a year, I felt very adapted. Fiji felt normal; it was my normal. There are certain bonuses to being out of the country and literally, on an island an ocean away from America. I can ignore the news from back home if I want by simply turning off facebook and twitter. I can pretend the stuff that is really bad at home, isn't as bad as it is by focusing on my community. In certain ways, life is easier... I don't have to pay utilities, bills, insurance, housing or etc. Finally, life is slower and unplanned. Americans tend to plan every minute of the day and future to the point where caffeine becomes a dependency instead of a luxury. In a sense, you become numb or opposed to a lot of the things that you originally loved as an American.

It was really hard to leave Fiji because these people have become my family. I'm always afraid of offending my blood family by saying that, but I'm starting to realize that they understand, or at least are trying to because they love me. Even in the airport, you feel different because you are not used to the luxury. You stand out because you can speak the local language, but you are not from Fiji.

Welcome Home!

Arriving in America was surreal, but it was a relief. It's that moment you let out a breath that you didn't realize you were holding. Although, I felt like a foreigner in my own country. From bending over and saying "tulo" (excuse me) to cross rooms  or not needing to where a skirt everywhere, my home country suddenly felt like I didn't belong anymore. Although, man oh man is Mexican food good. Cheese, my goodness I've missed cheese.

My Dad and I at the St. Louis airport

My Aunt Clare and I decorating the Christmas tree

I got home and it was COLD. Mostly, it was the lack of humidity that was bothering me (Fiji's lowest humidity that I've seen is about 50%). I didn't have to walk outside to use the bathroom or check for bugs in my bedding at night. It was easy, but still a little weird. As time went on, I had the opportunity to see a concert, my best friend and my grandparents. My granddad gave me a travel size fishing pole that I am super excited to try and use.

My Cousins from my mother's side-Kip, Kailey, Me and Sister (missing Kenna!)

My grandparents and I

My family wanted everything to be perfect and I will forever thank them for that. Spending time with people is what makes it perfect, not the "stuff." Everything was perfect! I ate so much food... bacon, macaroni and cheese, smoothies, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, carrot cake, lasagna, venison chili and so much more. It was so amazing! I made Fijian curry for my family for Christmas. I visited my cats and was happy they remembered me. I also got to see my good friends who have had babies. I tried to squeeze as much love into those visits as I could because they'll probably be walking the next time I see them.

QUESO!

My cat, Symphony

The visit with my mom meant that I got to meet my stepdad and stepsister. It was incredible and I am so glad that my mother is happy. Plus, she made all my favorite foods and decided it was my "birthday" because she wouldn't see me for my actual birthday. We had amazing long talks and I feel so connected with my mom, more than ever before. I loved spending so much time with my sister throughout the month. She's one of my best friends, even if we argue, haha. It was so nice to dress up, do my hair and make up... then not sweat it off.

My stepdad, Tim and I

My Mom and I

I finally had adjusted; it was home...and then it was time to go back. I spent the entire night before packing and weighing my suitcase... we ended up having to mail a package, but that was cheaper then the overage fees. I do wish I had eaten more chips and queso, but it was relaxing. In a way, it was hard to relax at first because I kept feeling like I should be in my village, but I also had to remember that I am an American and this is my home. Fiji is temporary and it will be a part of my life forever, but it is not a struggle that I will have my whole life.

That gave me the positive feelings that I needed to come back. This struggle is temporary. It is 100% the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life, but it is also the best thing I have ever done in my life. Going into the Peace Corps forced me into a new lifestyle. I have a better work/life balance now.

Before my trip home, I was so sure that I wanted to do another term... but now I'm not so sure. America is home and being there reminded me how hard it is to be in Fiji. I'm sure that I will adjust back to it, but in a way it's harder because I didn't have training as a buffer coming back this time. I know for sure, while there is work abroad, there is definitely work to be done at home. I can't ignore that. I am not sure what the future entails, but for now, it means me being in Fiji. I'll figure out the rest as time goes on. No worries, no hurries.