The Question I Never Thought I'd Answer

On the Fourth of July, I taught my classes about American history, American folk tales, and American music. The Fijian education system does the best they can, but often the students perception of world history is minimal. Although, you could say the same thing about American students. I've enjoyed learning about the Fijian government, Fijian history, British imperialism, British Colonization, and Fijian music. I thought it might be fun, to share some of these same parts of American history because my students often have never heard of things like the American Civil War, the mistreatment of Native Americans or the story of Paul Revere.

Imagine my surprise when at the end of class, one of my year nine (this is equivalent to US eighth grade) students asked me, "Madam, can you please tell us about 9/11."

I get asked all sorts of questions in class... teaching reproductive health has taught me to never be surprised at anything, but this shocked me. I was impressed! I realized I had made a snap judgement that these students know nothing about world history and I was completely wrong.

After I stood there for a few minutes processing the question, I began to share my story. Ironically, I was in eighth grade when 9/11 hit. My mother was supposed to be traveling. I remember they waited until the end of classes and I was in English. I even remember the lesson that we were being taught. I remember watching people fall out of buildings; I've realized over the years that they have edited this stuff out of the replays. I will never forget that feeling. I told them that my experience with 9/11 will probably be similar to their experience with Cyclone Winston. They'll never forget.

But, when explaining this I realized a few things. Just like everywhere else in the world, there are some prejudices between races and cultures. How do you explain the idea of "Islamic Terrorists," when they aren't technically even Islamic. Or even labeling them "Islamic Terrorists..." Am I reinforcing existing stereotypes? I made sure to explain that while, at the time, those were the words that were used, we know now, that those people are extremists. In the same cult-like status of Westboro Baptist and the KKK. This led to a great discussion on stereotypes and being careful with our words.

I also realized how thankful I am to my parents for not censoring that moment. I was only 13 years old. It was tragic and traumatic to view, but it was real. They did not sugar coat it and answered my questions.

If anyone out there teaches 13 and 14 year olds, then you know that sitting still and silently is an unimaginable feat for them... But they were silent. They listened. They did not tease me about my culture and they were very respectful. I realized that I can use a tragic and terrifying moment of American history to teach tolerance, acceptance and peace. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that they were able to handle it, after all, they were the same age that I had been.

I think I may have gotten more out of that lesson than they did. We will never forget.

Why Do Americans Kill Each Other?

There has been a few times over the course of my service when I get asked questions that make my skin crawl with embarrassment. It's so much worse when it is the children asking these questions. Things that I cannot justify, account for or offer a reasonable explanation for the behaviors of my fellow Americans. Here are a sample of the questions.

• Why do Americans shoot each other?
• Why do Americans hate each other so much?
• How can your president not believe in climate change?
• Why are Americans so fat and greedy?
• Most Americans hate muslims, too? Right?
• Why do people protest so much?
• What do you think of Trump and why cannot Obama just be president again?

Most Fijian citizens have not been outside of Fiji, and often have never been outside of their own villages or corridor of their island. There is a long history of hatred between the Itaukei ethnicity (people who have lived in Fiji for a very long time) and Indo-Fijian ethnicity. The Indo-Fijians were typically brought over from India through indentured servitude during the times of colonialism. Most of the Itaukei race considers themselves to be Christian, while the Indo-Fijian race is much more diverse with people who are Christian, Hindi and Muslim. There is a lot of stereotyping and negative history between both ethnicity. There is also a lot of tolerance and love.

Fiji has around 900,000 people, whereas, the United States of America has a population of over 325 million. That is almost 325 times the size of Fiji. The entire country of Fiji is slightly smaller than New Jersey (http://www.nationmaster.com/country-info/stats/Geography/Area/Comparative). Fiji has no guns, with the major exception of the Army and Navy. The police do not even carry guns! There are villages in Fiji, literally being forced to move because of climate change. Their homes being washed away with the incoming and ever-rising ocean tides. In fact, there are entire islands of Fiji that are disappearing. So I can see how it is difficult to understand that there are people who do not believe in climate change.

The Fijian government is complicated and based on the British system, but they also have the chiefly system, too. From what I understand, there is both a President and Prime Minister. They also have the Ministry of Itaukei Affairs, which represents the chiefly system. Each village is part of a family, clan and land. Fijian culture dictates a lot of sharing. Many times, the family systems will share wealth; some families still live entirely off the land. There are less costs here. Most people do not drive or own a car. Family houses can get handed down or they buy them piece by piece, literally. I have had several conversations about how the "story of the girl who goes to work in home healthcare in the USA and sends back millions of dollars back home" is not actually applicable. After all, I worked in healthcare all through college and could rarely make ends meet. It is difficult to understand a lifestyle that you have never been a part of, but what keeps me here is those who try. The internet is new, and while the younger generation is being inundated with westernized lifestyles, there are parts of Fiji that still have zero signal for cell phone service. 

With this being said, these questions are very rarely said in a negative tone. It is very difficult to understand a life outside of your own when you have never traveled. In fact, this is just as true with many of the people in the United States! I have learned that when someone believes they are right, they will often act passionately on these subjects. Opinions and beliefs are rarely a facts, but this idea of "righteous indignation" can often cause the uncompromising differences and unwillingness to be empathetic. I give up a lot of my culture as an American to assimilate into Fijian lifestyle. Although, I believe this has fluctuated over my two years of service. 

I'm at a place right now with the relationships and rapport that I have built in my village, where I am comfortable asking them to meet me in the middle on some things. I do not feel like I have to give up all of my culture in order to be accepted. I feel like I can speak my mind and people will truly listen. Even though "hearing what you want to hear" happens everywhere in the world, including Fiji. But, at the beginning, I felt like I was more "Fijian" than American.

The USA is seen as a role-model for other countries. When these things horrible happen, people do not understand how a country that is "supposed to have it together" can have such horrible things happen. When I am asked these questions, I remind them that as much diversity and difference in beliefs that there is in Fiji, there is 325 times that in the United States. That citizens from the US walk all sorts of different paths and it is a much bigger place. Part of the beauty of the US is that there is so much diversity and differences, but the downside is the bigger proportion of hate and violence. However, I cannot answer every question. It's a lot about statistics and probability. The more people there are, then the more likely things are to happen. Just like sometimes in Fiji, the people with more limited access to the outside world are the ones who are the last to accept new changes and they are seen as intolerant; it is the same in the USA. 

What kills me, is when the primary school children or my students ask these things. It is so sad. I do not have all the answers. But, I find that it is inspiring that people are fighting for what they believe is right. I do not know why people shoot each other, other than to stress the importance of mental healthcare and tolerance. I do not understand why there is so much hate, other than the fact that there are many more people in the US. I do not have a good enough answer. All I can do, is to keep trying to spread Love and Tolerance wherever I go. Never give up. Keep resisting the hate. Keep understanding that even as a country of entirely different personalities, we can learn to get along. It comes down to communication and empathy.

Peace Corps Volunteer Leader... Dua Tale Viti!

A few months ago Peace Corps announced that they would be accepting applications for a third-year Peace Corps Volunteer Leader (PCVL). I was ready to go home and live a life that was not quite as hard as being in Fiji. However, I researched (so much google searching and talking to people on facebook) and talked to a lot of the staff about the various details of the job. After a lot of thought, I finally decided to apply.

I decided to apply because I am not sure if I want to go further into my career in international development, humanitarian aid, human rights, or program development. This job would give me the chance to work in the Peace Corps office and see if I enjoy this side of international development. If I do not enjoy it, I'll stick out the year, but I can go back to clinical music therapy. I adore music therapy and it is my passion, but I am torn about whether I am supposed to stay on the international advocacy and capacity building side of music therapy or go back to the clinical side of music therapy.

I also have had the most wonderful (albeit also the hardest) experience of my life here. If I can help support volunteers to set up their own service for success, then it will be worth it. As someone who has studied psychology, I am interested in the mindset of volunteers. A lot of volunteers come straight out of university and there is both a huge growth experience and psychological shift in the way they view the world. I find that fascinating!

Assisting with monitoring and evaluation would be a part of this position. Peace Corps has our biannual paperwork, called the Volunteer Reporting Form (VRF). The VRF is notoriously difficult to fill out, cumbersome and the data is often inaccurate. As a music therapist, I was taught that you have to be able to prove your worth because while music therapists are board certified, they are not yet licensed in every state. This means that insurance and medicaid often will not reimburse for services (I'll post more on music therapy advocacy another day). Your data must be accurate, non-biased, objective and efficient. With that being said, I find the monitoring and evaluation side of PCVL intriguing. I'm going to give a shout out to my various music therapy professors over the years for instilling a love of research, accurate data and statistics in my life.

The hardest part, I feel like will be the being "in-between" staff and volunteers. I will not be a supervisor, but I will not be staff either. I will have to support the rules and policy, while facilitating an atmosphere of support, rapport and trust. It is a fine line and I'm thankful I will not be the only person doing this and that I will have Peace Corps full support!

As a village-based volunteer, who has been working in a school for two-years, I will have an experience that the most of Peace Corps can empathize with. I've been through the struggles of being a woman in a village and at school. I've struggled with what I want to do, versus what my school wants to do. I've also struggled with deciding whats more important, the knowledge to impart to my students or building capacity of the teachers at my school. The school system (really this happens everywhere) is overworked and they do not have a lot of free time. It is not an easy experience, but it can be highly rewarding. I still think that I will and have learned more from my students than they will ever learn from me.

Last week, I interviewed for one of the PCVL positions and the interview went really well...

I am happy to announce that I have accepted a position as a Peace Corps Volunteer Leader for next year! This means that I will be staying in Fiji for a third year, living in the capital city of Suva, and working in the Peace Corps office. I am so excited, but a little sad that I will be putting off being home for another year... someone eat some chips and queso for me?

I will be assisting the Peace Corps Fiji Programming and Training team with programming needs, volunteer support, site development, monitoring and evaluation, training, grant-writing, Ministry of Education laison, and more! I am super excited for this new journey and I was not quite ready to return to the states yet. I look forward to continuing to update you on my endeavors and adventures in Fiji.

Vinaka Viti na Loloma Vei Au!

Born to Run: Training for a Half Marathon in the Peace Corps

My first run in my training cycle!

I love to run. For me, it is a means of meditation, prayer and self-care. I am pretty sure one of my very first posts from while I was still in the USA was about running! I ran my first half-marathon while finishing my masters (really poor timing- I do not recommend that), but I caught the "bug" per say. The ability to finish a race that is 13.1miles (21.5 km) reminds me of how strong I am and it reminds me that my body does not equal my self-worth. I am not the type of person to be a size 4; I never have been. Running makes me feel loved, spiritually connected and confident.

My goal was to run this race last year, but my health got in the way of training (more about this below). This year, I have been determined; although nearly derailed by health issues again. It is fun for me to see how far I can go on my small island.

Running: I am very lucky that I live on the main island of Fiji. Many volunteers do not have regular roads, but only dirt or gravel roads; some do not have roads at all if they live on the outer islands! Still, most of the roads are not the best quality and it can be tricky to run long distances. Not only do I have only 1 of 2 options (left or right) turning out of my village, but I have to consider the traffic and quality of the road. For me, this means every long run, I go to the left of my village because the other side is very curvy and can make it difficult for drivers to see runners on the sudden curves of the road.

The biggest thing is being flexible. I do not always get to run, nor is it possible; like when I went to visit a fellow PCV on one of the outer islands... she had no roads! Sometimes, I use 2 back to back exercise videos; but again, I am lucky because I am on the mainland. From my understanding, those PCVs on outer islands must find ways to work out that do not include electricity. While I cannot imagine running 10 miles just through laps at my school, people have done it. As a PCV, you must get creative if you are determined! Wherever you live, as a female, be prepared to bring your sulu (sarong) and tie it to a tree it on the side of the road once you get out of your village. And yes, my sulu has been stolen before (I'm rolling my eyes here because I found it later that night with one of my youth).

Cross Training: I am very blessed to live by the ocean, but I am lately too busy to go for a swim and there is the safety issue of going by myself. If I take the children, then I end up playing and not getting the best workout... It is not very good to swim alone because you can get caught in a riptide and nobody would ever know! Some sites have approval to use bikes; I do not because I live on the main highway and Fiji drivers are not known for their concern for pedestrians. I use a lot of work out videos, go for long walks, yoga and do body weight exercises. Some of the PCVs get really creative filling soda bottles with wet sand and using them for weights.

Fueling: Thankfully PC gives us a neverending supply of gatorade! It is not my favorite and when they run out you get stuck with the oral-rehydration salts (yuck), but it works. Again, if you are not near enough to a town or do not have a refridgerator, this can get tricky with finding foods that you can eat. After Cyclone Winston, the bananas all disappeared for 9-12 months! Now, I typically use whole wheat bread and jam sandwhiches, but there are a variety of fruits or local foods you could use. I really want to try sugar cane sometime!

Clothing: Be prepared to do a LOT of laundry by hand. Although honestly, after 2 years in Fiji wearing my same workout clothes does not bother me. I just hang them on the line to let the sweat dry after I use them. Dryfit is super important! Bring bodyglide if you plan to long run, but they do sell vaseline here for pretty cheap. My recommendation is to bring your own sturdy running shoes. Someone recommended trail shoes, honestly that wouldn't go amiss. I would not plan to buy shoes here because quality is hit or miss and $100 is 1/5 of your budget. Personally, I have not seen cheap running shoes for less than $150 in Suva.

You can find training clothing here for pretty cheap at the second hand shops, but if you are picky this is something you may want to bring extra of. All the girls typically wear leggings under our sulus (sarongs) and traditional wear. You can never have too much dry fit clothing or leggings. Again, you can buy clothes here, but you'll need professional outfits, too. I do not see locals wearing dryfit shirts to professional events as professional clothing; although you can get some things to work as dual purpose. Do not plan to work out in tshirts and shorts- you will get soaked!

Distance: This is a funny phenomenon I have noticed since I started training. Because of road conditions and curvy, single lanes, busses go a lot slower than they would in the states. It takes forever to get anywhere! What I feel like is really far, is actually only 1 or 2 miles! It is the downside to living on an island. I would imagine this would get worse if you were living on an outer island. It is pretty cool to take pictures of how far I've run and the villagers enjoy hearing about my runs now.

This is about 5 miles out from my village!

Health: Fiji is very humid and that means that everything grows really well, including bacteria and viruses. This seems to vary from volunteer to volunteer, but the majority of us seem to be sick constantly in some way or another. Last year, I was too sick too often to continue training. Training long distance already has a negative impact on your immune system because you are pushing your body to the limit... Being in a foreign country with germs you are not used to makes it much worse. I am thankful I planned to start early enough because I lost a month due to bronchitis, a few weeks due to trips and another couple weeks due to stomach bugs. At anytime you can accidentally ingest unfiltered water, eat under-cooked food, be sneezed on by children, given kisses from children or eat improperly prepared food; it is part of being a volunteer. It takes a lot of dedication and discipline.

Empowerment: By choosing to train long distances, I become a role model for positive, healthy behaviors for both my students and my village. It is fun to see students that are surprised to see me on my long runs. "Madam, did you run all this way?!" A lot of times the youth or children will join me on my shorter training runs. If I can show young girls to love their bodies and know how strong they are, then it is all worth it! Until I started this journey, some of my students and villagers thought it was physically impossible for a woman to run this far.

When you are supposed to go for a 4 mile run, but they want to join you... I am totally alright with shortening my runs so other people can join because strong girls become even stronger women.

Overall, it is not impossible, but it is much more difficult than training in the USA. I run the same path every time (although this is great for mental endurance) and when you're busy, it is not an option to skip working out. Weather, health concerns, and safety issues (example, I always have $2 in my sandwich bag in case I get hurt and cannot walk home) can make running longer distances difficult, but not impossible. I constantly have to stop and talk to people when I am running because Fijian hospitality is amazing; Bula all the time! If I can train for a half-marathon, while I am in the Peace Corps, then I know that I can do this anywhere. I am strong enough. The miles are in the bank.

I'll update this post with my final time and pictures in 2 weeks when I run the Suva Island Chill Half-Marathon!

Look out for the next post on Take Back The Night(r)!

Vulnerability

I recently watched a video on youtube by Brene Brown on "The Power of Vulnerability," which you can find here. It is a phenomenal video that changed my perspective on relationships, communication and self-worth. Shout out to Katie Fitch, MT-BC for the inspiration on my post today!

What is "vulnerability?" According to Brene Brown, it is the ability to feel worthy even regardless of fear and shame. What does this mean? In terms of my service, there is always this fine line of being myself in the village and being ALL OF MYSELF because what happens when I am ALL OF ME and someone decides they don't like me? Well, I've come to realize that it doesn't exactly matter because there are still people who will love and cherish me, in spite of what they do not like about me. So, I am going to choose to be vulnerable and authentic today.

I often blog about the best parts of my service or the things that I think other professionals may find some insight from, but normally you do not hear about the bad parts of my service. My fellow volunteers and I often say that "the absolute best and worst experiences of my life have been in Peace Corps." We aren't exaggerating; we are being honest. Peace Corps service is hard; I love it and wouldn't trade it for the world, but it is hard. It is literally the hardest thing that I've ever done.

But, what makes it hard?

1. Leaving your support system: While most of us went away for college, it is very difficult to navigate entirely new circumstances, cultures and problems without your trusted people. They will still be there, but most of them will not have an understanding of your new host country. 
2. Technology: Technology can be both a blessing and a curse; while it is wonderful to stay in touch with family, it also makes you realize that the problems you thought you left at home are closer than you realize. Also, technology fails constantly here because of the humidity and rough use. It took a lot of patience to get use to that. And I'm not going to even go into the pictures of food everyone loves to instagram. 
3. Volunteers: My fellow volunteers are some of my best friends, but we all get in our own heads. Sometimes we get busy and forget to respond, forget to be empathetic, are insensitive or in our own worlds because we are human. Another side of things is that you are forced into a group of people, that you may not have normally hung out with before you left. While you don't have to be friends, you still have to work with them. Again though, volunteers are also part of the best-of peace corps and more often than not, they make up for what they lack.
4. Culture: While you are learning a new culture, you are going to continually make mistakes. It takes a place of deep maturity and value for learning to continually adapt or admit that you might be wrong. I am always the guest in the country, so often I am in the wrong. But there are parts of the culture, you will just have to learn to accept... like my neighbors constantly hacking mucous up. Mouth noises are not taboo in Fiji, but they drive me bonkers!
5. Illness: Most of us are sick constantly and being sick without friends, family or your favorite foods can be very difficult. I have been sick more than I have been healthy, but you just learn to deal with it. Not to mention the strange diseases you can only get by being in Fiji. Thank goodness for PCMOs.
6. Loneliness: Even coming with a group of people, the wonderful support of Peace Corps, and no privacy in the village, you get lonely. Technology can be helpful, but it can also make you very homesick. 
7. Infestations: There are bugs, animals, bed bugs, fleas and ants everywhere and in everything. UGH! 
8. Basic needs: My house leaks, the water is brown when it rains, sometimes the water stops, the power turns off and on, sometimes you go without eating a vegetable for way longer than is appropriate and more. Yes, at least I have power and I've learned to adapt, but before I just learned to deal with it, this would make me very upset. 

While these things are rough and tough to go through, being in Fiji has taught me a lot about resiliency. I do not need as much as I thought I did to be happy. I have learned to go with the flow. I have learned to be vulnerable in every experience. I can do new things and to be content. I have more patience than I ever thought possible and I am stronger than I ever thought possible. Being here has taught me to love life with a raw passion and naked fury that I never imagined. I learned to find the sparkle and joy that already exists in nature, rather than creating it for myself.

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Small list of my funniest/worst moments:

• The time I had diarrhea and a very bad cold. You can figure that one out for yourselves.
• I've had strep throat 8 times and counting!
• The one time I woke up chewing on an ear plug. Oh my gosh. Gross (okay, actually it didn't bother me- see what I mean?)
• The time I took the slow bus that stops in every village to Suva and SWORE that I was going to pee in my pants. (I made it, barely)
• Using the word condom oil instead of coconut oil in class (Rolling eyes)
• Finding a gecko in bed with me
• FLYING. COCKROACHES.
• When it rains EVERY TIME after I put my laundry on the line to dry
• When I gave myself a grade-2 sprained ankle by just standing up

(to be continued later...)

Remember When Peace Corps Interviewed Me?

A while back, the Peace Corps Fiji staff suggested that Peace Corps Headquarters in DC interview me because they really liked how I was using music-therapy techniques in youth empowerment. Here is the result! I wrote an article for the Peace Corps website.

Using Music Therapy Techniques to Teach Hollistic Wellness in Fiji

When You're Not the New Kid in Town Anymore...

Life definitely feels different as a second year volunteer. Currently, I'm about 1.5 years into my service, with about 7-8 months left depending on leave and when I close service (COS). Luckily in my group, we have almost everyone still from our PST (Pre-Service Training) group. I'm so blessed to have these volunteers to talk with as life seems to change.

I think the biggest difference between now and a year ago, is that I feel like I (mostly) know what I'm doing and how the culture works. I still make mistakes, but for the most part, these aren't because I don't know Fiji well enough yet (although my year 9 students are very quick to point that out when it does happen!). If you remember the cycle for volunteers, the first year is pretty tumultuous with lots of ups and downs in your service. While the second year is (ahem, usually) fairly stable in being positive. I still find that online people and problems back home cause the biggest hurdles for me, personally. It's very rarely a problem here that is causing my mental stress, with the biggest exception being grant-writing, which is a huge, but necessary headache.

I understand how the school works. I know the paperwork, I understand the culture, I know what I'm allowed to teach and for the most part, know which teaching methods work best. I also understand that they are young students and can be distracted by anything. For example, last week we had someone come and cut trees. I lost an entire class for that because my students could not concentrate, but I would hazard a guess that students in the states would have a problem with that too.

Teaching Year 13 FLE

I feel less of a need to reinvent the wheel and more of a need to push just a little on barriers. For example, when I taught last year, I wanted to be unique, inspiring and have everything be based in music or the arts. This year, I teach using a mostly Fijian style and incorporate the arts where I can because I feel like this is more realistic for my fellow teachers. As a volunteer, I'm here for the students, but I'm mostly here for the teachers. I also have willingly taken on more responsibilities at school. Last year I was just trying to figure out what I was doing and when!

This year there's more of a focus on sustainability. It's not just about me, it's about passing the knowledge on and making sure the community wants it. If I have a great idea, but my community doesn't really care, it doesn't mean that I do this idea anyways, but try to find another idea that my community is interested in. It's been very real that I am leaving at the end of this year. I have to find ways to transfer knowledge.

Several of my "unofficial counterparts" at School

In Peace Corps, we are each given a "fijian counterpart," or someone who does exactly what we do, but is a local. I have counterparts in the village and school, both official and unofficial. As a second year volunteer, I've really started to learn that the real work is with my unofficial counterparts. They are the people who have chosen to work with me and bought into the idea of sustainability. My given counterparts are often extremely busy, and while they help when they can, they don't always have time. This took a lot of acceptance on my part and explaining. I'm still working on this. I made the mistake of teaching all the classes last year and this year it has been difficult to incorporate sustainability into that model because sometimes they don't understand why I won't just teach classes.

I feel more integrated into my village. I'm comfortable doing traditional chores, while I'm still comfortable saying no and pushing the boundaries. I also have a lot more going on with projects both in the village and the school. My friends are more Fijians than fellow PCV's. I love to play with the kids and feels less like I am working all the time. It's become my relaxing zone, even if it means the kids want help with their homework on saturday and I just want to hide in my house all day. It just feels more like home.

Swimming in the River

The other change is that my friends back in the states are constantly asking me what my next step is because Americans just tend to be like that. I can't really apply for a job this far in advance, but I have an idea on what I'm looking for in a job. Honestly, the current political system makes me unsure as to how that will happen with a federal hiring freeze, but I'm trying to be positive. I'm hoping to find a job with either the government or non-profit that has the ability to incorporate music therapy techniques with social justice, gender empowerment, youth empowerment and/or trauma. Preferably near North Carolina, Georgia, or the rest of the east coast because my parents are out there now. I know the right job will happen because Peace Corps happened at the right time. I would be interested in an overseas job if it met the requirements for Public Student Loan Forgiveness. Only time will tell!
Question for RPCV's how long did it take you to find work after you returned?

Do you have any questions about being a second year volunteer? Would you like to see a blog post on something specific? Please leave a reply below and I will answer!

I'll Be Home for Christmas 2016

I had the amazing opportunity to visit my home for an entire month over the holidays. I was able to see my friends, former professors, sister, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and parents. It's funny how time just keeps going and relationships pick up right where you left off.

I've practically been planning this trip since before I left for Fiji originally and there was a lot of expectations built into it. The weeks leading up to the trip were some of the busiest I've had in a long time. I had the end of the school year functions, mid-service training conference for my group's one year mark in Fiji, and Camp G-Glow on the Yasawa Islands. It was a rush and I really didn't even have time to think about going home until I was on my way back from the Yasawas on a fiber boat.

After being in country for over a year, I felt very adapted. Fiji felt normal; it was my normal. There are certain bonuses to being out of the country and literally, on an island an ocean away from America. I can ignore the news from back home if I want by simply turning off facebook and twitter. I can pretend the stuff that is really bad at home, isn't as bad as it is by focusing on my community. In certain ways, life is easier... I don't have to pay utilities, bills, insurance, housing or etc. Finally, life is slower and unplanned. Americans tend to plan every minute of the day and future to the point where caffeine becomes a dependency instead of a luxury. In a sense, you become numb or opposed to a lot of the things that you originally loved as an American.

It was really hard to leave Fiji because these people have become my family. I'm always afraid of offending my blood family by saying that, but I'm starting to realize that they understand, or at least are trying to because they love me. Even in the airport, you feel different because you are not used to the luxury. You stand out because you can speak the local language, but you are not from Fiji.

Welcome Home!

Arriving in America was surreal, but it was a relief. It's that moment you let out a breath that you didn't realize you were holding. Although, I felt like a foreigner in my own country. From bending over and saying "tulo" (excuse me) to cross rooms  or not needing to where a skirt everywhere, my home country suddenly felt like I didn't belong anymore. Although, man oh man is Mexican food good. Cheese, my goodness I've missed cheese.

My Dad and I at the St. Louis airport

My Aunt Clare and I decorating the Christmas tree

I got home and it was COLD. Mostly, it was the lack of humidity that was bothering me (Fiji's lowest humidity that I've seen is about 50%). I didn't have to walk outside to use the bathroom or check for bugs in my bedding at night. It was easy, but still a little weird. As time went on, I had the opportunity to see a concert, my best friend and my grandparents. My granddad gave me a travel size fishing pole that I am super excited to try and use.

My Cousins from my mother's side-Kip, Kailey, Me and Sister (missing Kenna!)

My grandparents and I

My family wanted everything to be perfect and I will forever thank them for that. Spending time with people is what makes it perfect, not the "stuff." Everything was perfect! I ate so much food... bacon, macaroni and cheese, smoothies, blackberries, raspberries, strawberries, carrot cake, lasagna, venison chili and so much more. It was so amazing! I made Fijian curry for my family for Christmas. I visited my cats and was happy they remembered me. I also got to see my good friends who have had babies. I tried to squeeze as much love into those visits as I could because they'll probably be walking the next time I see them.

QUESO!

My cat, Symphony

The visit with my mom meant that I got to meet my stepdad and stepsister. It was incredible and I am so glad that my mother is happy. Plus, she made all my favorite foods and decided it was my "birthday" because she wouldn't see me for my actual birthday. We had amazing long talks and I feel so connected with my mom, more than ever before. I loved spending so much time with my sister throughout the month. She's one of my best friends, even if we argue, haha. It was so nice to dress up, do my hair and make up... then not sweat it off.

My stepdad, Tim and I

My Mom and I

I finally had adjusted; it was home...and then it was time to go back. I spent the entire night before packing and weighing my suitcase... we ended up having to mail a package, but that was cheaper then the overage fees. I do wish I had eaten more chips and queso, but it was relaxing. In a way, it was hard to relax at first because I kept feeling like I should be in my village, but I also had to remember that I am an American and this is my home. Fiji is temporary and it will be a part of my life forever, but it is not a struggle that I will have my whole life.

That gave me the positive feelings that I needed to come back. This struggle is temporary. It is 100% the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life, but it is also the best thing I have ever done in my life. Going into the Peace Corps forced me into a new lifestyle. I have a better work/life balance now.

Before my trip home, I was so sure that I wanted to do another term... but now I'm not so sure. America is home and being there reminded me how hard it is to be in Fiji. I'm sure that I will adjust back to it, but in a way it's harder because I didn't have training as a buffer coming back this time. I know for sure, while there is work abroad, there is definitely work to be done at home. I can't ignore that. I am not sure what the future entails, but for now, it means me being in Fiji. I'll figure out the rest as time goes on. No worries, no hurries.

Camp G-Glow 2016: Yasawa Islands, Fiji

In December, right before I went home, I was honored to participate in Camp G-Glow 2016, Guys and Girls Leading Our World, on the Yasawa Islands, Western, Fiji. It was a blast and I am so proud of my students for participating. We learned about leadership, self-esteem, yoga, reproductive health, gender empowerment, teamwork and so much more!  It wasn't easy because we didn't have running water or electricity, but it was so much fun! Instead of a long post, I'm going to insert the video link to facebook.

Camp G-Glow 2016 Video

Music Credit*

MC: March into the Sea by Twenty-one Pilots
Kings Without Crowns by Matisyatu
Happy by Pharrell Williams
Counting Stars by One Republic
Lights by Ellie Goulding

Born This Way by Lady Gaga

*music was used for educational purposes only and no copyright infringement was intended. Camp G-Glow Themesong may not be copied or used without permission from the blogger.

Photo and Video Credit:

Sunny Liu

Practicing the Camp G-Glow Themesong