The Hardest Part

Most of you know that I had a family member pass away this week. While, the Peace Corps does allow emergency leave, it must be an immediate family member. The hardest part about training right now, is the adjustment away from life in America. I'm not discussing the difference in culture and lifestyles, I am talking about the idea that life moves on no matter where you are in the world.

I've read several blogs from RPCVs (returned peace corps volunteers) that stress the notion that the toughest part of readjustment is that everyone else's lives have moved on, too. Because of our access to the Internet and instant communication today, we have instant access to everyone back home. This can be both a blessing and a curse.

Running away from your problems doesn't make them go away. The things that were tough in America, will still follow you because of our instant access to communication. While it is wonderful to talk with family back home, it is hard to try and share this part of my life. Because unless you have studied abroad, are military, or are RPCV... It's tough to imagine my life. It's a lot of pretty pictures with children. Peace Corps is so much more than that and it is incredibly difficult to even begin to describe my experiences in words. Maybe one day, I'll write a song instead! It really is the hardest job you'll ever love.

Conversely, everyone back home has a life..that continues. That is the hardest part. Trying to keep up this identity of myself as an American, while applying everything I've learned here, is difficult. I am not the same person anymore, even in seven short weeks! But, neither is anyone back home because life moves on and you don't have to be abroad to do great things or struggle with life. When something happens at home, I have to find a way to cope while dealing with the difficulties here. Peace Corps Training, by it's very nature, is designed to make you uncomfortable and test yourself. Back before the Internet, you could leave America back home to an extent. Incorporating my American life can be mentally exhausting, but it is worth it.

So I ask for your patience as I try and learn this new culture. If I snap because you're the third person to ask me today how the food is different, please foregive me. I love sharing my experiences, but I never thought I would be tested like this. I can do this; I am a Phoenix rising from the ashes. I am choosing to constantly re-evaluate myself and see what I can positively change.

I feel like for the first time in my life I have truly found myself. Every step in my life was a step closer to this adventure. I thought majoring in music was amazing, then I found music therapy, and now, I learned that I can use my music therapy training as part of humanitarian aid. I love living abroad and being here, only makes me want to experience more of the world! They talk about our lives as being "America," "peace corps," "host family," and "past self." Every part of that makes me who I am, but how do you cross those barriers? Hopefully, this blog will help! Those who are currently also abroad have a special place in my heart because they can totally understand what I mean by all of this. Thanks for reading!

We have site placements next Friday! Expect a post soon about where I will be for the next two years!